The Beliefs that Run You
We have hundreds or even thousands of beliefs running through our minds at any given time. They are like the playing rules of our own individual game of life. They influence what we think, what we do and even how we experience the world or feel in any given situation.
As leaders, we can either choose and manage these beliefs, or allow them to control us. The reason to focus on them is that they are the roots of what gets us stuck as leaders, what derails teams, and what drives bad decision making in times of stress. The challenge is that many of these beliefs are living at the unconscious level. They run us without us even knowing it. This is why two people can experience the exact same situation and have entirely different experiences.
Here's a simple example:
Two people are in a car driving on the freeway in traffic. A car passes them on the right in the merge lane, puts on its blinker, and starts to merge directly in front of them. Person A is viscerally agitated, feels like something has been taken away from him, and wants to nudge the car forward to block the merge. Person B waves the car in, thinking, "there's room for everyone." Same exact situation; two entirely different responses, based on the underlying beliefs living within each person.
These beliefs are at play in every moment, every decision, and every reaction. If we are going to evolve as leaders, we must become aware of our beliefs and start to engage the power of choice over them.
Here are three insights to start the process of becoming aware of and managing your beliefs:
1. Every belief has been chosen by you for a reason.
Beliefs are purposeful. We choose them for a reason. And they serve us. They can also hold us back. Here's an example: Earlier in my career, I realized I had an underlying belief that "I am on my own." I adopted this belief early in childhood, and it was reinforced throughout my upbringing. Effectively, the story that went with this belief was that "no one had my back" and I had to carve my own path of security and success. This belief became part of my success recipe. It drove me to excel in school, seek leadership positions beyond my current experience, be totally comfortable in ambiguity, and know that I could manage whatever came up (another belief). This belief served me. However, it also held me back. As you would expect, it made relationships very challenging, made collaboration and teaming not a sweet spot, and under stress, my go-to response was to be a "lone wolf." I chose this belief. However, at a point, it no longer served what I truly wanted in life. Once fully aware of this belief, I adapted it based on what served me moving forward rather than why I adopted it in the past. Remember, if you chose it in the first place, you can re-choose it now.
2. Beliefs control everything...until you are aware of them.
Our beliefs control both mind and body. Think of the Placebo Effect. Scientists have proven that our bodies can create the specific chemicals contained in medicine, just by believing what we think is in a pill. Stress and fear are no different. Our body releases stress response chemicals (i.e. adrenaline, cortisol, etc.) just by us believing that something might happen. The most fascinating part of this to me is that the stimuli does not directly induce the stress. It's induced by our beliefs about the stimuli. For example, two people can stand on the top of a building, one in a state of panic and the other marveling at the view. Our beliefs are powerful. And we need to fully understand that they control everything—mind, body, emotions, etc.—unless we manage them. Managing them starts with awareness. Once you are aware of your beliefs, you begin to engage your power to choose over them.
3. The window to seeing our beliefs: our expectations + our needs/wants.
Since our beliefs often operate at the unconscious level, we need a window to see them. Here's a simple (but not easy) tool to start becoming aware of your beliefs.
The most conscious part of our beliefs is our expectations. Think of a situation where you experienced tension (frustration, disappointment, agitation, anger, etc.). In that situation, ask yourself, what did I expect? And more importantly, WHY did I expect that?
Once you clarify the why of your specific expectations, ask yourself, what is it that I really wanted or needed in that situation? And more importantly, WHY did I want or need that?
If you are truly honest about the "Why's" in these situations, you will start to open the window to both the beliefs and the stories that are running inside you that influenced your response to that situation. This is obviously only one situation, but a tool that you can start to apply at any given moment to become more aware as a leader. I have made the tool available to you in a downloadable format below.
Becoming aware of the beliefs that are running inside you, your team members, customers, or those you serve is a game changer in terms of effectiveness and impact as a leader.
